FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Congratulations! We have a period
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
