I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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