dude i'm inner monologue high
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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