He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
