Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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