the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm passing your future prison.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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