We're facebook friends in real life
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
