I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
