i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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