remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
