It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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