loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
