I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
