Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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