I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
