If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
