Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
