I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
