i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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