i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
