i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
