If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
