I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
