She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
