And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
