Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
