his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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