no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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