Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
