Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
