There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
