her vagine was all disorganized.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He shit in the fireplace
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
