I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just pee around me
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
