I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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