There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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