Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
worst night to have a conscience
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
