Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
