trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
