Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
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