I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
