Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
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