I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
