Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Rumble strips road head = magical
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
