Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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