Me too!
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
