We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
