i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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