Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Randomize
