so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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