Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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