Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Randomize
