i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
