PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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