You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Someone stole a lamp last night.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
